"Thieves Like Us" New Order

I've accepted a business analyst position on a trial basis. I can't remember ever being this frightened in my life. When I get back from my trip, I will be thrown headlong into a situation I'm not qualified to handle. And because, clearly, I have not the substance for this job, I have to rely on mind tricks to get me through this. I'll let you inside my head:

Jose, please remember, that even as this situation appears daunting, you:

• Will try your darndest, and when you do this, you have a track record of avoiding embarrasment
• Are at your best as an underdog
• Were offered this position: If you fuck up, it's actually their fault for asking you to do it

I've had razorblade butterflies in my belly for days. I can feel the caldera of my stomach ulcer expanding. And still, these are the kinds of up-against-the-wall situations that enlivens dulled primal instincts and wakes my inner tiger. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

Hahaha. OK, this is really stupid. Here's the deal. I don't know how to do this, so I'll learn it and do it. Done.

"The Upper Peninsula" Sufjan Stevens

This song reminds me of simple things. I wonder if my preference for small, clean things is really just an aversion to the complex and ambiguous. At what point does a reaction become an action. I have been thinking a lot about what image people project, and how, at a certain point, truth loses currency. It's the stuff left after interpretation that we end up believing. So, success is managing others' expectations. Work has been difficult, but this show must go on.