"Smoke" Ben Folds Five
This song is from 1997. I have memories of Newport Beach and of Christmas that year. I also remember being very nervous about film school. During orientation, we were made to feel special. The 45-or-so of us that got accepted, they said we were part of an elite group. They used words like legacy and history. I have few friends from film school now. None of us has any interest in it. And we think people who talk about movies need to find better things to do, like get a job.
I was ironing my shirt tonight and I flashforwarded to my living in my own apartment. I did not like the feeling.
A friend from work talks about his big plan to sail around the world when he retires at 55. "It's the only thing that keeps me going," he said over lunch. He got pad thai from the C-graded joint at Grand Central Market. He took one bite and threw it away.
I don't understand why people work. I understand how work starts out as a game in which one feels compelled to excel. And then I understand how work becomes a means to gain small luxuries like a car or Ecco shoes or a Yonex tennis racket. And then I understand how these small luxuries turn into a "standard of living" that one feels compelled to maintain. And then I understand how work is no longer a game, or a means to an end, but a tether. I don't understand why people sign up for this. Is it because there's nothing better to do?
I said, "Houses, wives, work, cars--these are all distractions." My friend, who is married, agreed.
I believe most of us keep ourselves busy with work or play or following soap operas and the football season or waiting for the upgrade or next year's promotion because if we sit still we'll discover that underneath all these accessories, we're really very dull. Most of us are creatures of context, not substance.
I wonder if we've already made our choices.
1 comment:
That's an interesting view. I don't know if I agree. I think we work because we are all part of a gainful society and we cannot sit around and be wastrels. We cannot breathe the air and eat resources on someone else's dime. We work because it's the only fair and respectful thing to do, to each other -- keep things moving along in the society and be rewarded for the effort you put in (even if it's in the form of a severely undercut paycheck). So the meaning of work gets lost in the daily minutiae of answering e-mails or creating letters. So the real question is, if we all have to work, we should choose something that we like to do. Because we all do have to work. It's not fair to other people if you don't.
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